Chapter 8 – The feelings
Is this? It can’t be.
After Jun left me, nothing else makes my heartbeats so furious but now She brought my heartbeat back.
Maybe I’m just Imagining thing.
1 and a half month has passes since Jurina transfer to our school. We have been texting and calling each other every night, going to school together every morning. Slowly, We became close friends. Even though we are close, somehow I sometimes felt Jurina is similar to Jun for me. But I remember Jun is a guy, so it can’t be. Just sometimes.
Maybe I think too much.
I wonder why Jurina always text while we are walking back home. Maybe is her boyfriend? I tired to asked her, but she said is just her friend back in New York. But she always look happy when she gotten a message.
“Jurina, why do you always look so happy when you got a messages from the friend of yours.” I asked while we are walking back home.
“Ummm…… No reason.” She flashed her cat smile and answer.
I am very curious about her friend. But Jurina didn’t really talk me about her friends to me. My chest tightens up when she said that. I held my hand up and press onto it.
“Rena-chan, don’t tell me you are jealous?“ She turn her body around and walk backwards while looking at me.
“Me-e… Jea-lous? N-o. Why should I?” my voice wobble a moment.
“Really? Are you sure?” She smirked at me.
“Yes I am.” I gain my voice back somehow.
“Mou….” She pouted. She is so cute.
Bzzz…..
She got a new message. Jurina took her phone out and check her message. Somehow a smile formed on her face. Those smile again.
“Jurina have you been in love before?” I don’t know why but I’m curious.
“Yes, I have.” She answered me with a smile while looking at her phone.
“……..” I become silent. I should have known. Why do I feel so bothered? I should be happy for her, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
It became a silent walk back home.
“Why did you asked?” She suddenly break the ice.
“No reason. Just curious.” I’m sure I say it with a sad tone.
“But u sound kind of sad though.”
“I’m not, just your imagination.”
Gosh. Why did I act so coldly toward her, is not her fault. But what is it that I’m feeling now? Troubled? Uneasy? Restless? Anxious? Flustered? Disturbed?
I think she is right. I’m jealous.
Am I falling for Jurina? How and when? I don’t know.
“Rena-chan, are you free on Saturday?” She asked
“um. I think so.” What is she planning?
“Let’s go Disney land!” She say with a big smiled on her face with her sparking eyes.
“okay.”
“YES! Is a date then.” She shouted happily.
“wh-at?” I blushed red and looked at her thinking what does she mean by that.
But she don’t intent to answer my confusion because she is too happy, all I know is she already few step ahead of me and calling me to hurry up.
Saturday came in a blink of eyes.
Same as always Jurina will pick me up and we will go to this so call “date” that she thinks it is. Disney uh~ It been a while.
“Rena-chan.”
“um?”
“When is the last time you came?”
“um, around 5 years ago. I think”
“That is quite sometime aready!” she show her shock expression.
She is so cute, I giggled.
“Mou. Why are you laughing at me. Is okay. Today we will enjoy ourselves to the max!” She said with smile blooming on her face. She held my hand and walks toward the ticket counter and buy ticket.
“Two adult ticket please.” She paid and we went it.
“Waaaaa!!!!! Sugoi! There is so many people here! Ehh! Rena-chan! I want to ride that! And that! That too!!! Omg, I want to ride everything. Is so cool!” She is like a little kid very excited in everything she see. I swear if she is a puppy her tail will be swinging non-stop side to side. I can’t help it but giggle at her reaction.
“Hai, hai. Jurina calm down. We will ride everything.” I’m very happy to see Jurina’s childish side, she has always been mature and cool. It makes me think that I get to know Jurina a little more.
“Jurina. you never came to Disney land before?”
“Nope~ My parents always been busy. So nobody bring me to play.” She sounded a little sad but she still have smile on her face.
“Un. Then Let’s enjoy ourselves to the fullest today then! We are going to ride all of the rides in Disney land!” I said in a loud voice hoping it can cheer up Jurina.
“YEH! LET’S GO!”
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“Rena-chan, are you okay? You don’t look very fine.” She say it with a worry voice.
“Jurina, we have been sitting 5 rounds of this Big Thunder Mountain ride. I’m getting dizzy now.” My brain is having an earthquake of it’s own in my head.
“But Is fun and exciting! Let’s ride one last time.” I think Jurina is now having a sweet rush.
“No. I don’t want too. I think I’m going to faint if I got to another ride of that. Let’s go another one, not a fast one.” I said.
“Mou, fine~ You choose Rena-chan.” She pouted.
“Let’s go that one!” Jurina turn around and look at the direction that I pointed.
“EHHHH!!!!!!”
“Are you scared, Jurina? “ I smirked.
“No-oo. I’m just surpri-sed” She stuttered
“Are you sure? You can always tell me that you are afraid, ya’know.” I smirked.
“Wh-oo is afraid. I’m not afraid of Haunted House.”
“Oh. I see. Then let’s go.” I catching onto her arm and drag her into Hunted House.
----
“yipp--p! Wh-a-a-t’s that!” Jurina held my hand so tightly that I felt as if my arm was going to break off soon.
The way she got scared is so adorable. She is afraid of ghost ah. That’s new, the mature and cool Jurina is afraid of hunted house uh.
“Is all rite Jurina is fake.” I try to calm her.
Suddenly a fake ghost appeared in front of us. Jurina started screaming in fear. I didn’t know she was that afraid of it. I can’t help it but felt really guilty, I shouldn’t have brought her to hunted house.
“Calm down Jurina.” I rubbed on her back, hoping her to calm down. I see tears forming at the corner of her eyes, she is going to cry. I hugged her tightly, hoping that she could felt that I’m just right beside her. “Gomen ne Jurina” I whisper to her.
Finally, we are out of the hunted house. Jurina didn’t let of her hand, she clingy onto me tightly. I found it cute at the same time I felt very guilty. We walked to benches and sat, I could see she is still trembling. I held her hand, and pull her close to me and hug her.
“Is alrite now. I’m sorry Jurina. I didn’t know you would be so afraid of Haunted house. Gomen ne.”
Her eyes start forming tears and she started to shed tears. I used my hand and wiped her tears away. “Gomen ne, Jurina. Please forgive me.”
“Be-cause of you that I cry.” Her eyes are red.
“And I felt really guilty, sorry!”
“Mou. You know my weakness now. I don’t care! You have to treat me an ice cream!” She pouted.
“okay. I’ll treat you.” I could see her smiled and it brings me to smiled too.
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(At ice cream stall)
“Rena-chan! I want chocolate flavor!” She said.
“Hai. Hai. Chocolate it is. Have a sit first, I’ll go buy.”
I came back with chocolate and melon flavor ice cream.
“Here, your ice cream.”
“Yaata! Ice cream.” She said happily with a smiled on her face.
We just sit quietly and enjoy the scenery of the place.
“Rena-chan, see that! Disney castle!” I turn my head and look, I was amazed by the castle.
“Rena-chan, your ice cream tasted like melon.” I turn my attention back to Jurina, I notice she stole a bite of my ice cream. I turn and looked at her, she grin at me playfully.
“Mou. You ate my ice cream.” I pouted and eat my ice cream.
“Awww~ Rena-chan you are so cute. Did you realize?” she pointed at my ice cream.
“Realize what? You put poison in my ice cream?” I smiled.
“Maybe~ Love poison.” She grins at me.
“Uh? Love poison?”
“Yap! We Just had an indirect kiss!” she smiled.
We had what???? My mind stopped awhile and process what she just said. Oh my god. We did. My face flashed my embarrassment, heat went up to my face. She giggled at my reaction.
“Rena-chan, you are soooo adorable!”
“Mou! Stop teasing me!”
“Alrite, alrite” She uses her hand patted on my head with her cat smiled.
Her smile made my heart skipped a beat again.
“Ne~ Rena-chan~ Let’s go ride Ferris wheel together.”
“un. Let’s go.” I smiled.
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“waaa~ We are so high up in the sky! Is so beautiful. Look Rena-chan.” She was amazed.
I take a glimpse of the scenery out of the window. It was breath taking. Looking at the sunset, I didn’t notice but time passes so fast. It’s already evening.
“Rena-chan.” She called my name.
“… Un?” My eyes are still fixing on the scenery out of the window.
“Rena-chan.” She sounds very serious called my name. I turned my attention to her.
“yes Jurina?” I looked into her eyes, trying to tell her that my attention is on her now.
“em-m..” She sounded nerves. “R-ena-chan, remember you once asked me have I been in love.”
“e-m. y-eah.” I flinched abit because I didn’t really want to hear her love story at all. It bothers me.
“y-eah. About that I want to tell you who I been having crush on.” She lower her head, I swear I could see her face is a little red. Is she nervous?
“….. I’m listening”
“I have a crush on you Rena-chan, I like you.” She turn her head to me and confess. “ I like you since we met.” She turn and face the floor.
I’m shocked.
She liked me too, so my love is not one side. But. No. I can’t.
I hold her hand and look into her eyes, I could see her teary eyes. She is afraid that I’ll reject her. But I can’t lie to her, I cannot play with her feelings.
“I like you too Jurina, but…. We can’t be together.” My hearts hurts too when I told her we can’t be together.
“You like me but why can’t we be together?” She asked.
“Jurina, not now. I need time, I need to confirm my feeling for you. I have doubt on my feelings I have for you.”
I don’t know. Jun has always been in my mind, as if part of me have already belong to Jun. I can’t let him go. If I still have feeling for Jun, I didn’t want to lie to Jurina.
It will be unfair to her.
I didn’t want to start a relationship when I doubt with my own feelings.
“……. I understand. I’ll wait.” I could see a tear roll down from her cheek.
After our conversation, the ride ended. I held her hand and we walked home. It was a silent trip walked.
Bzzzz….
The silent was broke by my phone tone.
A message was sent to me.
It was Yuki.
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